what is it feels like having both of your parents sick


this feelings strikes few months ago when i was taking care of my mom at the hospital, she got breast cancer in late stage. i was seeking for support from every place that i could reach, from my boyfriend, close friends, and the other family member that is sister/brother to my mom. i didn't feel enough, i need someone that has the same experience, because when you tell stories to someone that have never experienced it, somehow you cannot "meet" the connection. so i was digging through some articles looking for people that has the same experience as me, i found one with the title 'I Put My Own Life on Hold': The Pain and Joy of Caring for Parents. i was so glad to know that i am not alone in this, i was feeling very down during that period of time, it was February - end of April 2020 where i feel like "what did i do with my life to deserve this situation? to deserve waking up to 2 people having chronic ill (my dad have stroke since 2017) and need help even to change clothes." It was difficult for me to find the positive side, but i need to be the one who is positive to my parents and giving support at the same time and when i retires on my bed i cried all by myself. <<even while typing this on my laptop my heart is still aching>> and when my mom's condition turn to be critical, i was the one who is staying in the hospital and taking care for her 24/7 and Covid19 is already happening so many hospitals not allowing more than 1 person to be on the room. I was feeling very frustrated, i was stuck in the hospital floor where people are dying. It was a very depressed feelings i really doesn't feel like going to hospital again after that happened. Every time i reach out to people i got a bit recharged when they give me kind words, they said things like i am a hero, my reward will be in heaven but at that time i really feel like i don't want a reward, i just want everything turn back to how it used to be. where i wake up in the morning having my mom preparing my chocolate milo milk, and having dad getting ready to take me to train station. but sadly that won't happen and i gotta live with it. *trying to remind myself that this is life* especially the part where my mom preparing the milk, because she is now resting in heaven since 24th April 2020.

but today, at this moment when i am writing this, looking back --things are SO much calm right now. i used to wake up at 4.30am, getting everything ready, all day long is nursing, and staring to your mom trying so hard to catch her breath is not an easy view to look at. i was keep humming in myself the whole day, saying all those sad things possible. but now, i can start continue living my life, i woke up then preparing for my dad, have some self care time and most importantly i have a clear mind and what has happened made me very grateful for all the lessons. even tho i am still nursing for my dad, but i am feeling glad that i got the chance to spend more time with him. not to say i am grateful that the pandemic happened, but having the pandemic means i am able to stay home so i can take better care for my dad. even if things still feels hard some days, but i am stronger because i have been in the most lowest point of my life (in the case of sick parents)

for me, what is important when you are having this kind of similar situation, you need to talk it out, it is very important for you to share things even though you are an introvert. read articles with the similar topics, reach out to your close friends, look for a support group. that way you would feel like you are not alone, i used to keep it all by myself but it wasn't as easy as i thought my heart can handle it.

you are very welcome if you want to reach out to me, there is also a facebook support group that you could join: Taking Care of Sick Parents Support Group 

the article link: Taking Care Sick Parents - NY Times

hope you are not feeling alone after reading this (if you are in the similar situation) <3

write to you soon,
adinda




Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

how do i keep writing a journal and how to start your own

Image
few weeks ago, i post on my insta-story a picture of me writing down my journal and i got several questions towards that. my friends were like wondering how do i keep writing, what do i write, when is the best time to write, so yeah. as yesterday i watched Lana Blakely video on youtube, where she journal for 17 years (i will link the video down below) and i feel resonates to the video that she made! when it comes to journaling or writing, you really don't force it. you basically write whatever you feel like, treat that book as someone that you can fully trust. because on my journal, i really write everything, like E V E R Y T H I N G --from what i'm feeling like at that time, what i'm currently obsessed with, what i hate, or just writing down my dreams, even the craziest dream that i don't know will happen or not! and i simply keep writing because i got tons of feelings everyday, and it is always feel better to write it down. it's like i'm taking off the weight ...
Read more

why i quit twitter and here is the 5 things i learned

Image
okay the title might sounds suuuper mainstream but that is really what the topic of my paragraphs going to be! well, i did have that moment of my life where i feel TOO MUCH , like i consume too much informations, too much visuals, too much of unnecessary things that doesn't really important and that causing me to feel anxious and i started to be ungrateful with the beautiful life that i have. so i quit twitter for good since Oct 15th, 2018 . that was the last date that i posted a tweet. i remember reading some kind of politics statement from random people and that was my turning point to finally have the urge to get off of that platform. i am not saying that i against twitter, it's only i feel deep, overthinks.. and by reading alot of people sharing their minds over there in short sentences just somehow making me feel too much because i feel in every sentence you write.. like i am serious, i could think about what you posted for few minutes. i mean that should not be like that,...
Read more

one of those days in August, 2020

Image
so my company announced that on August we will have a full month of working from home, it is in between happy and sad at the same time! i am happy because i get to be with home and taking care of my dad and i am sad because at the end of the day i feel so alone (guess this is what half of the population feeling during the quarantine). it is not that i enjoy of being alone, in fact I DO enjoy alot! it’s just there’s something missing for not communicating the whole day with someone! even though i communicate with my boyfriend through video chat or text some of my friends, but still i get the lonely feelings! but anyway, this post was aiming to give you a preview of what i do in a day (like youtube vlog style, but in a written blog)  07.30am: starting to wake up, collecting pieces of my dreams, and reminiscing the emotions once again because i am now awake 07.55am: praying in my heart, thanking God because i am awake now, and all my whole body could function properly. take a moment t...
Read more